zondag 11 november 2012

Anhedonia emptiness


If these open windows close
Whenever I approach
Then how I am to feel
The evening summer breeze.

I tried to go away
Through doors and rooms and hallways
But these corridors were endless
And outside kept getting further
So I ran towards the window.

And just before it shut I took a deep breath
I tried to feel that air
To make the feeling my own
To fuse it with my soul
So that I would carry it with me always
To remember it forever
Just the way it was.

But little did I know
One day my dreams grew silent
My craving stopped
And the sweet perfume of nature
No longer gave me satisfaction.

The well had run dry.
So I repressed my feelings
Locked my heart and soul.
So I would remain indifferent.

When the numbness struck me
Because of how much I cherished you,
O summer, O sun ...
I tried to cherish you even more,
to feel you as I did.
Before it all got vague and tarnished
For when you’re true, you are pure
But when I realized I was not pure.

I gave up trying to be true
I should have seen
That it was not the feeling of the breeze I longed for
But the breeze itself.

Anhedonie/anhedonia is het verlies of de vermindering
van het vermogen tot plezierbeleving.