Memorable Quotes from Homer Simpson

If God didn't want us to eat animals,
why did he make them out of meat?



What is a wedding?
Webster's dictionary defines a wedding as
the process of removing weeds from one's garden.



I'm not popular enough to be different.



Kids, just because I don't care
doesn't mean I'm not listening.



If he's so smart,
how come he's dead?



English? Who needs that? 

I'm never going to England.



I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, ˜The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.



Let us celebrate our agreement

with the adding of chocolate to milk.

Marge: "This is the worst thing you've ever done."
Homer: "You say that so often that it's lost all meaning."

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.
The lesson is: Never try."

"Books are useless!
I only ever read one book,
'To Kill a Mockingbird,'

and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds!
Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin,
but what good does that do me?"



"Here's to alcohol,
the cause of — and solution to —
all life's problems."

Homer: [to Marge]:

"You know, I've had a lot of jobs … boxer, mascot, astronaut, imitation Krusty, baby-proofer, trucker, hippie, plow driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, grifter, bodyguard for the mayor, country-western manager, garbage commissioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, power-plant worker, fortune-cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart clerk, homophobe and missionary.

But protecting Springfield,
that gives me the best feeling of all."